“Wisdom for Wealth. For Life.” Episode 38: Seasons of Marriage & Money: Married with Kids
Our podcast series, “Seasons of Marriage and Money,” explores how couples can transform their marriages by relying on God’s direction and tips on how to build stronger relationships. Blue Trust recently interviewed two couples to gain insights on the special concerns and challenges faced by families who are raising children and young adults.
Amy and Ed Uszynski of Dayton, Ohio, have been married 24 years and have four children. Jen and Brian Goins have three children and live in Melbourne, Florida. Both have experience teaching couples through Family Life Weekend to Remember retreats and have practical advice for parents, having lived through this stage of life themselves.
The Challenges of Parenthood
When children are young, the daily hands-on demands of their care can physically exhaust parents, especially when their sleep is compromised. As kids mature and get older, emotional exhaustion can set in as parents begin to worry about their children’s social and academic development. It’s rewarding yet stressful to watch children grow and make their own decisions.
Children have unique personalities and needs, and what works for one child may not work for another. Both the Uszynski and Goins families emphasized the importance of harmonizing parenting styles and presenting a unified front. Parents can learn to appreciate each other’s parenting styles and work together for the benefit of their children.
Even when teenagers become moody or uncooperative, it’s important to be gentle and understanding with them while maintaining firm boundaries. “Every kid is different,” Brian says. “Your goal as a parent is to be a detective to understand how they are best wired by God. They are not made in your image. They are made in God’s image. You simply get to steward them for 18 years.”
The Importance of Family and Community
The Uszynski and Goins families have recognized the importance of establishing traditions, habits, and non-negotiables about family time and technology. Family dinners, for example, help create a welcoming environment and a chance for transparency and open communication within the family. Around the dinner table and during daily activities, the Uszynskis and Goins have included their children in family decision-making processes.
Other important pillars of healthy family life include community and maintaining a strong marriage. Today, young parents often live some distance away from their extended family, and the Uszynskis and Goins note the importance of having support from other families, faith communities, and mentors. “Our children have benefited from the wisdom and guidance of other adults in their lives,” Jen says. “Having a community of believers to support each other in raising children has had a positive effect on our children’s lives by providing guidance and support.”
Even during the challenging years of raising teenagers, Ed and Amy prioritize their relationship and make time for each other despite the demands of parenting. “It’s important to be intentional about staying connected and communicating,” Amy says. “By maintaining a spirit of humility and working through differences with grace, we continue to choose each other.”
The Uszynskis and Goins say that attending conferences and seeking support from others has helped them stay focused on their relationships. “Psychologists will tell you that one of the best things for kids’ behavioral development has nothing to do with their activities but everything to do with parents as a couple,” Ed says. “Their behavior is driven by the security of their home, which is driven by the love between a husband and wife; there’s something about the ethos, culture, and atmosphere that is created when children feel safe that mom and dad love each other.”
Teaching Financial Responsibility
In any stage of parenting, stress can arise from budgetary pressures and a lack of financial margin. Not only are costs high for essentials like food and clothing, today’s kids want to engage in a variety of sports and other activities that can quickly overwhelm the family balance sheet. One strategy for managing these costs is limiting the number of activities that each child can participate in. Making choices and establishing priorities can be an important lesson about fiscal responsibility and the value of saving.
“You can feel a lot of pressure to conform to the culture,” Brian says. “You forget that the best environment for your kids is not outside the home, but inside the home. So, while we do pay for activities and fill up our calendar, at some point, you must teach your kids and yourself how to say no. We say, ‘If you want to do this sport, this is how much the fees cost, along with the shoes and the hotels when the team is away.’ It’s not a guilt trip; it’s just reality. We’re teaching them that If we’re going to choose this, we’re going to have to say no to something else.”
Financial literacy, responsibility, and stewardship can also be learned by giving children the opportunity to make their own decisions, learn from their mistakes, and take responsibility for their actions.
“I think we have to change the way we think about our role with these human beings that God has given us,” Ed says. “It starts at home by giving them gradual responsibility – whether it’s their lunch, their laundry, or chores. They can take on those responsibilities and move on to the next stage. When they start to make adult choices, sometimes those choices may have severe consequences. We can forgive as God forgives, but they learn that trust must be rebuilt over time.”
The Uszynski and Goins families say that it’s rewarding to see children launch and begin to make larger decisions on their own, such as buying a car and paying their own rent.
They both agreed that being a good parent is difficult and requires sacrifice, selflessness, and relinquishing control to some extent. Approaching problems with humility, forgiveness, and grace is the key to building strong family bonds that give kids the foundation to embark on their own life journeys.
At Blue Trust, we come alongside families and individuals on their financial journeys. If you are interested in learning more about our services, please reach out to us at 800.987.2987 or email blog@bluetrust.com.
“[Kids’] behavior is driven by the security of their home, which is driven by the love between a husband and wife; there’s something about the ethos, culture, and atmosphere that is created when children feel safe that mom and dad love each other.”
– Ed Uszynski
In our “Wisdom for Wealth. For Life.” podcast series, we share financial advice and wisdom from our network of wealth advisors, thought leaders in the industry, and our community of over 10,000 financially blessed families who apply biblical wisdom to their financial planning and giving.
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