“Wisdom for Wealth. For Life.” Episode 37: From “Me” to “We” – Seasons of Marriage & Money: Newly Married
“The two shall become one (Mark 10:8).” This short and sweet verse highlights the Bible’s teaching that when two people unite in marriage, they are called to embrace their new role as a unified team. Our new podcast series, “Seasons of Marriage & Money,” explores how couples can transform their marriages by relying on God’s direction and tips on how to build stronger relationships.
The early years of marriage can be especially challenging as a newly married couple makes the transformation from individual to institution. In this episode, we hear from two couples with a passion for helping others build strong marriages as they share their thoughts on navigating the transition from “me” to “we” and discuss what it’s like to merge finances as newly married couples.
Clear Communication
Brian and Jen Goins have been married for 27 years and have three kids. Together, they work in full-time ministry, often working with other couples through the Family Life Weekend to Remember Marriage Retreat.
For Brian and Jen, open communication and mutual understanding are key to making decisions and reducing conflict. But it’s important to remember that good communication is less self-focused and more others-focused. “The point of marriage is to love somebody else like God loves me. And how does God love me? He’s always seeking to put my interest first,” Brian said. “It’s more important in communication for me to understand what Jen’s trying to communicate to me than what I’m trying to make her hear from me.”
Fortunately, good communication can be learned. “Communication is a skill we always need to be pressing into and learning more about,” Jen said. “If we’re bad communicators, the good news is that you can learn it. But the hard news is you’re going to have to take some steps in learning how to communicate.”
A Willingness to Compromise
For Ed and Amy Uszynski, the ability to compromise is another valuable skill for married couples to develop. Married now for 24 years, with four kids, Ed and Amy also minister to couples through the Family Life Weekend to Remember Marriage Retreat.
“[When we got married] we signed up to become one, which means I’m going to have to let go of some of what has been my normal,” Ed said. “And she’s going to have to let go of some of her normal and we’re going to make a new normal together.”
Finding common ground starts with letting go of the idea that there’s a winner and loser in a disagreement. “Am I seeing Ed as my teammate, as my best friend?” Amy said. “And how do I want both of us to win versus just me winning? Because if only I win in these moments and I get what I want and think is best, I’m actually missing out on the relationship and the fruit of what can come if we both come to it together. We’re both sacrificing and winning in the end.”
What God Has Brought Together
Achieving a lasting, successful marriage comes down to being intentional with one another. The two couples both said they set habits early on to stay connected. “If you get to where it doesn’t feel like this is work anymore, then you’ll reap the benefits much like an investment,” Brian said.
Both couples also agree that giving together and not spending more than you make are important standard operating procedures that will serve you well if you both agree to live that way from the start. It can also be helpful on your “we” vs. “me” journey to have joint checking and savings accounts and to never keep secrets about money from each other.
Transformation happens when couples continuously pursue better communication and compromise. “God brought us out of singleness to become one with each other,” Ed said. “Which means we really have signed up to become something different together than we would have been if we had stayed apart.”
At Blue Trust, we love working with couples, individuals, and families on their financial journey. If you are interested in learning more about our services, please reach out to us at 800.987.2987 or email blog@bluetrust.com.
“God brought us out of singleness to become one with each other, which means we really have signed up to become something different together than we would have been if we had stayed apart.”
– Ed Uszynski
In our “Wisdom for Wealth. For Life.” podcast series, we share financial advice and wisdom from our network of wealth advisors, thought leaders in the industry, and our community of over 10,000 financially blessed families who apply biblical wisdom to their financial planning and giving.
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