“Wisdom for Wealth. For Life.” Episode 39: Seasons of Marriage & Money: Wisdom for Empty Nesters
Our podcast series, “Seasons of Marriage & Money,” explores how couples can transform their marriages by relying on God’s direction and tips on how to build stronger relationships. Blue Trust recently explored the transition to the empty nest phase, when couples have successfully ‘launched’ grown children into lives of their own.
Two couples – Karen and Crawford Loritts and Julie and Russ Crosson – discussed the emotional challenges of the empty nest, the importance of prayer, and the need to adapt their parenting styles to meet the needs of adult children. Crawford and Karen have been married for 53 years and have four adult children and 11 grandchildren. Russ and Julie have been married for 45 years and have three boys and ten grandchildren. On the podcast, they share insights on instilling financial responsibility in adult children, reliance on God, and nurturing their marriages and families’ legacies throughout life’s stages.
Emotional Challenges of Empty Nesters
It can hit hard when the last child leaves, and couples may experience an unexpected emotional impact on their identities. “When we dropped off our fourth child at college, everything was great at first. I was preparing for this emptiness and thinking that we would now have the chance to do things together,” Karen says. “But I had an emotional meltdown. My identity had walked out the door, and I had to regroup.”
Crawford adds, “It was a trying time. I was totally blindsided by her meltdown because she’s very independent, and so am I. We’ve raised our kids to be very independent. I had this vision of moving on to the next thing. But we had to slow down, work through some things, and pray through some things. Thankfully, we had good friends who came alongside us and reassured us that everything would be okay.”
The Crossons initially coped with the empty nest by taking a six-week road trip, but the real impact of the children’s departure hit later. “The road trip was a distraction at first, but I really felt their absence when they all came home for Christmas that year, and then they all left,” Julie says.
Julie adds, “It’s bittersweet because, by the time the last one leaves, you’ve gotten to a place where you’re really enjoying your kids and their friends. And then suddenly, they leave. You grieve that the season of them being with you is over, and you miss them. Yet you know that you must launch them, and you can’t lean on them. It was time for us to think about what God wanted us to do with the next season of life.”
Both couples acknowledge that it’s important for spouses to show grace to each other during this transitional time; one spouse may not experience it the same way the other does. Empathy, humility, and prayer can help couples who are struggling with their emotions as they adjust to an empty nest.
Teaching Responsibility
As children leave the family home in pursuit of their own endeavors, they will continue to need wise counsel from parents about how to navigate the world. Russ says, “You find yourself adapting your parenting style from commanding them to counseling them. Eventually, you will be peers with them. The process can be sloppy, but you have to embrace that the relationship is changing.”
“I always say that you should become the portrait of the desired destination at which your children and grandchildren should want to arrive. Your major impact is modeling for them a picture of grace, being quick to forgive and quick to ask for forgiveness,” Crawford says.
In addition to serving as a counselor and role model, parents can reiterate the basics of financial responsibility, including budgeting, saving, avoiding debt, and pursuing stewardship.
“When our kids were in elementary school, we taught them how to create a family grocery budget and navigate the grocery store,” Karen says. “When they got to college age, we said that we wouldn’t sign any student loans; they had to make choices based on scholarships. These were important lessons for teaching them to live within their means.”
Both couples agreed that as children mature, they must develop their own reliance on God to provide for their needs. Crawford advises letting kids know that you’re there as an emergency resource, but God is their ultimate source, and they should learn to depend on Him for all things. In addition, he says that it’s important to model a spirit of gratitude for what you have in life, which combats the forces of entitlement and narcissism.
Nurture Your Marriage
In any stage of life, keeping marriage as the first priority helps nurture the relationship for a lifetime. Both the Crossons and the Lorittses believe that empty nesters should find time to continue being friends with each other and make regular efforts to talk one-on-one and maintain open communication.
This stage of life offers newfound freedom to pursue personal interests and hobbies together that may have taken a back seat while the children were at home. It’s also important to maintain a ‘ministry mindset’ and find new ways to serve others. Julie, for example, saw an opportunity to begin a women’s fellowship where she could mentor other mothers.
The empty nest stage isn’t easy, and it’s okay to seek help. Resources like Family Life can offer couples counsel and financial guidance for this season of life. Finding purpose through continuing to serve and minister to others, as well as focusing on God’s guidance and nurturing the marriage relationship, are ways that couples have successfully navigated this transitional, yet transformational, phase of life.
At Blue Trust, we love working with couples, individuals, and families on their financial journey. If you are interested in learning more about our services, please reach out to us at 800.987.2987 or email blog@bluetrust.com.
“You should become the portrait of the desired destination at which your children and grandchildren should want to arrive. Your major impact is modeling for them a picture of grace, being quick to forgive and quick to ask for forgiveness.”
– Crawford Loritts
In our “Wisdom for Wealth. For Life.” podcast series, we share financial advice and wisdom from our network of wealth advisors, thought leaders in the industry, and our community of over 10,000 financially blessed families who apply biblical wisdom to their financial planning and giving.
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